Close The Gate
Close the Gate
I have been opening the gate lately.
I opened myself to people.To community.To possibilities.To new relationships, new ideas, new experiences.
And I needed that.
I needed to see what was on the other side.
But lately, I have also felt a little out of place.
Not necessarily because anything is wrong.
Perhaps simply because I am realizing that not everything I opened the gate to is necessarily mine.
And that is okay.
So I am closing the gate again.
Not in anger.
Not in fear.
Not because I have given up on people.
I am simply returning to my position as gatekeeper.
There is a difference between being closed and being discerning.
I don't need to participate in everything.
I don't need to belong everywhere.
I don't need to force myself to fit into a community simply because I helped create it.
I don't need to keep moving just because the momentum has started.
Sometimes the most powerful thing a leader can do is pause.
So I am pausing.
I am slowing down.
I am standing on guard again.
I am reviewing.
What feels aligned?
What feels draining?
What genuinely nourishes me?
What am I participating in because I want to?
What am I participating in because I feel responsible?
Who am I becoming around these people?
Do I feel more like myself—or less?
What deserves another season?
What needs to be released?
What simply needs more time?
This is my quarter review.
Not a judgment.
Not a failure report.
A review.
A recalibration.
A moment to look at the landscape before deciding where I want to go next.
The tides are moving.
So I don't need to fight the tide.
I can let the water move while I remain anchored.
I can savour myself again.
My own company.
My own rhythm.
My own home.
My own creativity.
My own ideas.
My own quiet.
My own energy.
Me and myself.
There is something beautiful about returning to yourself after being outward-facing for a while.
I don't need to disappear forever.
I don't need to burn bridges.
I don't need to make dramatic announcements.
I simply need to close the gate.
For now.
And when I am ready to open it again, I want to do it differently.
More intentionally.
With new energy.
New eyes.
New boundaries.
New clarity.
Stronger.
Firmer.
More grounded.
More protective of the woman I have worked so hard to become.
I will choose what aligns with me.
I will choose what nourishes me.
I will choose what feels honest.
And I will allow the rest to remain outside the gate.
Because being the gatekeeper doesn't mean I don't love people.
It means I understand that access to me is something I choose.
The gate is not a wall.
But it does have a keeper.
And right now, that keeper is me.
So I pause.
I review.
I breathe.
I savour this season of myself.
And when the time is right—
I will open the gate again.
Not from loneliness.
Not from urgency.
Not from the need to belong.
But from clarity.
And this time, I won't simply ask,
"Who wants to come in?"
I will ask,
"Does this belong in my garden?"
And I will trust myself to know.
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